To me, living is not only about following my dreams and utilizing the gifts God has given me. It's also about improving myself as a human being. Personal growth. In that light, I've been involved with a recovery group called Celebrate Recovery. It's a Christ-based 12-step program for hurts, hangups, and habits...not just for addicts, but for anyone with issues that hamper their growth. Well, of course, that could be all of us!
For the first time, I'm doing my "Inventory", detailing all the people and situations in my life which affected me negatively and from which I need healing. That's a hard one! There are so many situations. I've had counseling off-and-on, from college until about ten or fifteen years ago (that's about a thirty-year span), dealing with many of these issues. But going through the inventory is something totally different. Usually in counseling, you're dealing with anywhere from one to several issues. With the inventory, you go through all of your issues!
Why am I relaying this? Because the inventory is bringing up so many difficult times I've had in my life, times I haven't thought of in many years. But by going through them, I do see how those incidents still impact my life, preventing me from growing in some areas. Today, I feel the weight of all of those incidents weighing on me. I know it will pass and that I will filter through it all and make great progress in my personal growth and healing.
What I'm hoping will not happen, is that this inventory process will slow or even halt my writing. I am a slow writer, anyway. I do not want my personal growth to impede my creative outlet and slow my writing even more. My characters need their stories told just as much as I need my recovery.
I'm praying that God will give me that balance to work on myself and on my book. I need to know where the story is going after this sixth chapter I've completed. I only have a skeletal outline of a couple more chapters and am not feeling so apt right now to write more. Instead, my inner child just wants to scream!
As I said earlier, I believe this will pass. I know I need to be patient and let myself go through the inventory process. Maybe then I will clearly see what challenges my characters need to face and give them enough attention so they can have the ending they deserve.
Pray for me, everyone, as I will pray for us all to follow our dreams, utilize the gifts God has given us and to continue with our personal growth. Indeed, the light ahead is shining bright and directing our way through!